a letter to my galentine(s)
when I think about all the most romantic moments in my life, memories with my friends are the first that come to mind // a mid-week ode to the women in my life
My friend, Jessica, is the reason I began taking commissions to create personalized art back in 2020. She texted me to ask if I would paint a picture of her parents for their upcoming wedding anniversary. Surrounded by candles, turpentine, and cat hair, I got to work recreating her parents’ special day. I was quarantining in my apartment in Charlotte before traveling back home to London for the holidays. Jess’s request had saved me from a painful two weeks with just me and my ever-intrusive thoughts.
I decided to open up my services to Instagram. Suddenly I had five, ten, twenty, then thirty commissions to do in the next couple of weeks. Jess had recognized my talent and then inspired me to explore it further. I could make art and I could do it for a good cause. I ended up creating dozens of pieces of art for friends and family all over the globe. I used their commissions to raise over $2,000 in donations for local organizations that were helping vulnerable communities due to COVID (you can learn more about #ipaintyoudonate here).
Jessica has the ability to notice a strength of yours and make you notice it too. And what’s more, Jess will tell you how talented, brave, or creative you are through hand-written notes so that you can hold onto them forever. I have a drawer that holds a treasure trove of Jess-made notes, carefully hand-crafted with ink, photographs, yarn, gel pen, paint, magazine clippings, and paper cut-outs that are all then stitched, glued or letter-pressed together. She remembers every birthday, and she commemorates every milestone — new jobs, acceptances to grad school, an engagement, a new apartment — with a baked good, a flower, or a hand-knit gift.
Some might call this a manifestation of Shine Theory, a term coined by two famously close friends, Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow. This concept endorses the idea that women cannot “shine” if the women around them don’t shine too. It’s therefore for the betterment of women all around if they spend time uplifting each other. While this concept is probably intended for, and more applicable to, a corporate work setting, I believe that subconsciously my closest girlfriends have this theory somehow coded into their DNA.
Jess is one part of a greater love story. The greatest loves of my life are the women who surround me at every life juncture, whether I have just arrived at my college dorm, moved to a new city, gotten rejected from yet another job, or experienced a heartbreak. From them, I learn how to show up as a better friend, daughter, sister, and partner. They guide me, from the way they think about the world, to the music they have on repeat, to the habits and values they espouse. And when I think about all the most romantic moments in my life, memories with my friends are the first that come to mind. I think of a sunset walk along the Seine with Laura, a three-hour drive down the Pacific Coast Highway with Frances, a shared tub of cookie dough with Currie, a Friday night sushi date with Lili, a karaoke sing-off with Taylor and Ali.
In these moments, without knowing it, I let myself be cracked open and indelibly altered. In some way, I’m a kid again, looking to others to help me make sense of my surroundings. These women played a part in raising me, shaping me, and molding me into someone who looks at the world differently than before.
As a result of this, I am also impressionable, soaking up my surroundings without much thought. I will look back at the past versions of myself and I’ll scold her for being ignorant, rash, foolish, or embarrassing. But now, before I do, I’ll think back to a hot June day in New Jersey, lying next to my best friend at our college reunion. I was recoiling at the thought of my younger, collegiate self, galavanting around campus, until she interrupted me: “Be kind to your younger self, her decisions are the reason you are you in this moment.” So, I’ll pause. Then, I’ll tell my former self she’s doing fine; she’s learning from her mistakes; she’s trying her best. I’ll tell her that she is growing into the culmination of her decisions, both good and bad, and soon enough she will be able to see where they left their marks.
As for her friends, I’ll tell her to hold onto them, and commemorate her love for them in the best way she knows how: with a piece of art.
Thank you for sharing so many ideas of beauty, friendship, generosity, injustice, humor, and determination. These are wonderful gifts of your thinking which few people take the time to write or discuss.
EEE! Your new substack work is wonderful! I loved being introduced to “Shine Theory”, and at Age 70, can confirm that my circle of close girlfriends is the essential aspect of maintaining my mental and emotional health. We DO keep each other uplifted, through the suffering and the celebrations. Keep the faith darling! 🩷🩷🩷